brokedown malice

Everything in my apartment is broken. Am I zhee Black Widow of electroniques?

Refrigerator: terminal gurgling and heaving of Satan's breath

Freezer in mini-fridge: ice-bald

DVD player: nonsensical error message

TV/VCR: unrequited love affair with tiny necessary wire

Oven: flammabully

Cell phone: scotch taped together

ipod: long dead battery

ipod mini: pathologically scrolls through own playlist

ipod nano: fatally uneven sound distribution

Gameboy: on any given day I possess only two double A batteries, so while not technically broken, it can never quite successfully wrest them from my vibrator.