Wednesday, October 31, 2007

sigh me to the moon

Have you ever had a friend who you love, but aren't good at staying in touch with? And they email you and then call you and ask you if they've done something wrong (they haven't, you're just busy and overwhelmed with your life). How do you handle that? My sister replies "Just be honest!" What a complete cop out. "I've been really busy" wreaks of self-importance. There's an art to being honest without being repulsive. I can't paint it or sculpt it or take its picture or dance it . I'll hiccup some lame and hurtful apology-excuse that inevitably ends in "does that make sense?" I'm not a bad friend or a bad person, and my truth isn't lame, it's beautiful. It just sounds lame rattling around in my noodle. Balls. I fantasize about surviving a day without feeling like I've left a sticky, snaily trail of disappointment behind.


Monday, October 29, 2007

why i love the week: reason 3027

If you don't read The Week, we have have nothing to talk about. Here's a shiny diamonique from the latest issue (October 26, 2007) of the best magazine in the world.

* * *

Good week for: Oscar Wilde, who has been voted the wittiest man in British History. The Irish born playwright, whose famous last words were, "Either these curtains go or I do," narrowly beat out comedian Spike Milligan, whose gravestone is inscribed with the epitaph, "I told you I was ill."

* * *
Aunt Sheila, yet again you've altered the course of my life dramatically with your fabulousness . I love you like the Hispanic community loves tropical colors.

*Wade Robson thank you blessing bow*

getting tipsy

Thanks WTOP for directing me to Pop Science's The Future of Food farticle. Yummy story includes neat slideshow with tips like how to chop an onion without losing it.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


Get ready to Michael Jackson scream into the ether. My precious lil' tit informed me that newly namasted Wade Robson was nominated for an Emmy for this SYTYCD masterpizza:

but lost out to Mia Michaels for DEES.

Okay, fine. Fair enough. Kind of. Mia is a JEANYUZ. But no nomination for DEES ? Shame on you Emmy. This spellbinding gem is as steadfastly thrilling as it is entertaining. No, that's not a bunt cake. That's a straight up Monnies sweep you're smellin.'

*Awards show dedicated entirely to montages**
**Existing exclusively in my imagination.

Friday, October 26, 2007

what does anderson cooper call nuts on his plump?

Made of peanut butter, powdered milk, powdered sugar and enriched with vitamins and minerals? DAYUM. When does the next flight to Niger leave?! But srsly, malnutrition is no laughing matter. Watch Anderson Cooper go nuts in this mouth-watering new report about a tasty treat that also saves lives.

brokedown malice

Everything in my apartment is broken. Am I zhee Black Widow of electroniques?

Refrigerator: terminal gurgling and heaving of Satan's breath

Freezer in mini-fridge: ice-bald

DVD player: nonsensical error message

TV/VCR: unrequited love affair with tiny necessary wire

Oven: flammabully

Cell phone: scotch taped together

ipod: long dead battery

ipod mini: pathologically scrolls through own playlist

ipod nano: fatally uneven sound distribution

Gameboy: on any given day I possess only two double A batteries, so while not technically broken, it can never quite successfully wrest them from my vibrator.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

spirit fingers!!

"If you're an apple, you can be the best apple you can be, but you can never be an orange."

out boxed

A nearly random selection from today's work outbox...

okay. back very soon with details.


these fires. ugh. AWFUL.

You got it!


The i-phone!!

she's a mess.



Great, thanks!!

Friday, October 19, 2007

politicold war (i spy!)

Spotted earlier this week (Wednesday): Martin Scorsese. Whatever you do, don't scream out his name. He doesn't seem to like it. A spy for Politico's Chris Frates bares all: "Yes, he was in town for the Italian-American gala, which was over the weekend."

He was with a mystery blonde. Spotted in the lobby of the Four Seasons, walking with purpose into the sunny Georgetown afternoon.

My friend actually chirped "Scorsese!" Alarmed, he turned around and gave a confused wave, which turned quickly into a "shoo." Luckily, my friend was too blissed out, or "Scorcehazy," to detect what my imagination registered as Marty's thinly veiled contempt for us D.C. plebes."

Source: Scorcehazy

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

intern abuse documented

-----Original Message-----

From: Allison XXXX
Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2007 5:12 PM
Subject: Allison's October 11 Update

Hi Everyone! Here is my 10/11/07 update!
Today was a great day! I called a bunch of contacts for Quail Ridge, talked to some but unfortunately I didn't get through to most. I then made confirmations for Thrive After Divorce and got those off to Amy. Lastly, I made an update sheet for my progress on Thrive After Divorce to keep up as I make calls and send more emails. I called the list of contacts that I had sent an email to on Tuesday but not one contact picked up or was in their office so I'll try again tomorrow or Tuesday. Also, I went on a hunt earlier for Diet Orange Sunkist and while I couldn't find any in all of DC I actually saw George Stephanopoulos! IT WAS SO COOL! Just wanted to let you know. According to Hillary it's good luck so thats great because I have a test tomorrow so I need all the luck I can get! My parents are coming in town tomorrow for parents weekend at GW so I'm very excited to see them! Well, I hope everyone has a great night! See you tomorrow!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

spirit fingers!!

"Yesterday has gone. Tomorrow may never come. There is only the miracle of this moment. Savor it. It is a gift."

- Marie Stilkind

Monday, October 1, 2007

the lesson

Oh baby baby
it's a wild world

it's hard to get by just upon a smile

Photos courtesy of: my sister